Corrupt politicians, freeloading businessmen, bribe takers, drug dealers, smugglers, murderers, fanatics and psychopaths all came into this world as innocent guileless newborns. Same is true for those meddling relatives, obnoxious neighbors and egotistical colleagues. Why then do we all see a child as God's blessing?
It is blood line and legacy that perhaps play the most important role in the motivation for parenthood. The love for immortality makes us want to have our name carried forward in this world even when we have returned to earth form. It just does not give us fulfillment enough to take responsibility of one of the millions of impoverished children out there. It is only okay to adopt when you cannot have one due to medical reasons.
There are other reasons like ...having a child in the house! It is a source of joy and charm. It gives you a purpose in life. It is also assumed to strengthen the family bond, turning a couple into a family. Having children increases your self-esteem. Toothless smiles and cooing grandmothers add to societal acceptance. An adult offspring provides social and emotional support in old age. And thus the parents chose to bring people into this dangerous world knowing that he/she will suffer numerous illness, defeats, injuries, disappointments, physical and emotional pain, and not knowing what fate has in store.
Raising a child is not a science. There is no right or wrong way, and yet almost every breath you take has a decision that affects the development of your little one. Do you pamper him or do you try to preach austerity? Do you shelter him from the evils of the world or do you prepare him to fight? How do you instill conflicting traits of sharing and competitiveness, and that of ambition versus being content with what one has?How is the toy demanded not affordable when you get to buy your choice gadget or plan a tour? Is it fair to tag the child along in the tour he is rather suffering or is it better that you go off alone? Do you force feed him in these growing years or do you tap his independence by giving food only when he asks for it? Do you prefer discipline over patience and deal errant behaviors strictly or do you try to develop his reasoning power? How do you convey that the restrictions and deprivations you are imposing are for a greater good and do not make him an outcast? Are you able to explain the differences in cultures without being racist? How do you instill religious values and bring up a secular being? There is no distinctive line of balance. You weigh your experiences and prejudices and impose what you think is best on the little one who has nowhere else to turn to. And here in lies the immense sense of power and control that is a vital part of parental satisfaction. Life gives meaning to life.
To thrive in ever civilizing world with polluted air, contaminated water and adulterated food, raising an infant is more than a full-time job. In addition, one needs to be conscious of the child's psychological impacts of one's own behavior and also deal with the likes of Nature Deficit Disorder. Gone are the days when a child would grow up with dozens of siblings and cousins without much individual attention. So often the mother gives up her job and hobbies to meet the needs of the baby. Time for herself may be limited to shower times and she tries to take in stride the dwindling conjugal romance. And the father toils longer hours to meet the financial demands of the family. He tries to juggle between his own recreation, career, duty to parents and responsibilities for children. Life is full of choices and you feel mighty important.
You do complain about the sacrifices, the sleeplessness and the constant demands. Still you plan for a second child and advice newlyweds to embrace parenthood. Two children in a family after all does not add to the over population of our country or the worldwide resource shortage, neither does it add to carbon footprint. There are 4 births each second of every day, with less than 2 corresponding deaths. So it does not help either, but nature can fight its own battle with global warming, earthquakes, pandemics and homosexuality.
Next comes schooling. Schooling nowadays start very early in a child’s life, and he has gone to school for 4 long years already before he is in a proper class 1. You try to pick the best school that is conveniently located. Judging a school is hard but if you really looked into the quality of teachers and administration, you might be disappointed with most. It is after all a business in a capitalist world.
The busy schedule flies, and soon your child steps into adolescence bringing for you fresh challenges of coping with newer trends and of bridging the generation gap. A lucky few offspring have opportunities to go to a different city or country for higher education. Additional few go away for jobs and suddenly you do not have much to do anymore, a void in your middle ages. The dilemma for you is whether to let go and allow them to build a prosperous career for themselves or seek their company back at home and reap returns of the sacrifices... you chose. There are selfish reasons to unconditional love.
Either way, the cycle continues with the 'settling down' of the next generation. The mental set is so prevalent that whatever your own outcome of life and your interpretation of the human race, you are happy you have done the right and religious thing. This is only more transparent in lower classes. All the maids that have worked in your households have been stranded by their husbands and they now struggle to feed 3 to 5 kids. Not having enough to eat themselves, they somehow manage dowry to marry off the girls among the kids. Soon this daughter too is likely to be physically and financially violated, and ultimately left to take care of the children she has borne in the meantime. Still, one has to do what one has to, and the mother toils to arrange the next daughter's marriage to comply with society and complete her worldly duties. The middle and upper classes have additional complications of expectations and ambitions. No amount of honest savings is really enough for your health emergencies and your child's education. You always aim higher, and the tension and stress causes you a heart attack or cancer eating up your life long savings.
Women of course have their own bundle of complexes. The male dominated society tend to leave them manipulative and egocentric. A child specially if it is a son gives the wife a sense of belonging in the adopted family. The girl that once played with plastic dolls now has a flesh and blood one. She builds her life around him, doting on him and catering to his needs and whims. Selfless as she is, the mother finds it hard to let go once the son grows up and marries. The new wife now struggles to make a place for herself. Although she was told often enough that she may do her own thing in her own family, she will wait her turn to be mother-in-law to get the authority to do what she pleases. Sadly by then she too is infected with the contagious its-your-turn-to-repay-sacrifices syndrome that often rub on to her daughters who are themselves wives in other similar households. Generation after generation of even educated women are the greatest barriers to happiness for the new women members of their family.
Man is born free and gets to live only once. Still, he forms societies with norms, puts blind faith in centuries old text of unknown origin, and follows the tried and tested path in the course of life.
Bibliography:
OptumHealth - Pros And Cons Of Having A Baby
Licensing Parents by Hugh LaFollette
Do I Have What It Takes To Be A Parent
Parenting The Positive Way
Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence by David Benatar.
The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement - BIOLOGY AND BREEDING
CBC Canada - Hyper Parents & Coddled Kids
How to make peace with your mother-in-law
"Tug of War": Dialectical Tensions within the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Dyad--A Qualitative Analysis
WebMD - Kids Often Depress Parents
Population - The Last Taboo
Synopsis of The Population Bomb by Paul Ehrlich
No to Children, Yes to Childfreedom blog - The Many Forms and Expressions of Pronatalism
Laura Carroll blog - Oprah Finally Talks About No Kids
The Childfree Life - Links for Surfing Childfree
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